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.On deck, the passengers strolled up and down, impatiently waiting for tea to be served, anxious to reunite time with time.Someone said, in a pained voice: look at the rain! A grey mist was, in fact, encroaching, eyes closed.Very soon, large raindrops could be seen falling on the wooden planks of the deck, the noise of pins dropping as they hit the water, imperceptibly piercing the surface.The wind grew cold, people were raising the collars of their jackets, suddenly looking anxious, fleeing from melancholy like Otávio with his fear of suffering.De profundis.De profundis?Something was trying to speak.De profundis.To hear itself! to take the fleeting opportunity that danced with agile feet on the edge of the abyss.De profundis.To shut the doors of consciousness.At first, to perceive corrupted water, foolish phrases, but then amidst the confusion the thread of pure water shimmering on the rough wall.De profundis.She must approach with care, allow the first waves to trickle.De profundis.She closed her eyes, but barely saw the penumbra.She sank more deeply into thought, she saw a thin, immobile figure outlined in bright red, the drawing she had made with her blood-stained finger on a sheet of paper, when she had scratched herself and her father went off to fetch the iodine.In the darkness of those pupils, her thoughts aligned in geometrical form, the one super-imposing itself on the other as in a honeycomb, some empty cocoons, amorphous, without any place for reflection.Soft, grey forms, like a cerebrum.But she didn't really see this, she tried to imagine it perhaps.De profundis.I can see a dream I once had: a dark, empty stage behind a staircase.But the moment I think of 'dark stage' in words, the dream evaporates and all that remains is the empty cocoon.The sensation has faded and is purely mental.Until the words 'dark stage' come to life inside me, in my darkness, in my fragrance, to the point of becoming a shadowy vision, frayed and intangible, but behind the staircase.Then once more I shall possess a truth, my dream.De profundis.Why does that voice wishing to speak not come? I am ready.I close my eyes.Full of flowers that transform themselves into roses while the insect quivers and advances in the direction of the sun just as the vision is much more rapid than the word.I choose the birth of the earth in order to.Meaningless.De profundis, then the thread of pure water will come.I watched the snow tremble full of rose-tinted clouds.To close one's eyes and feel inspiration come tumbling down like a white cascade.De profundis.My God, I await You.God, come to me, God, burgeon in my breast.I am nothing and misfortune rains upon my head.I only know how to use words and words are treacherous and I continue to suffer, nothing in the end but the thread on the dark wall.God, come to me for I have no happiness and my life is as dark as a night without stars, and God, why do You not exist inside me? Why did You make me separate from You? God, come to me, I am nothing, I am less than dust and I await You each day and night.Help me, I only have one life and that life is trickling through my fingers and serenely heading towards death and I can do nothing except watch my life ebb away with each passing moment, I am alone in the world, those who love me do not know me, those who know me fear me and I am miserable and impoverished and very soon I shall no longer know that I ever existed.I have not much time left to live and what time is left will meantime go on being untouched and useless.Take pity on me, for I am nothing, give me what I need.God, give me what I need whatever that may be, my desolation is as deep as a well and I do not deceive myself before myself and others.Come to me in my misfortune and that misfortune is today, that misfortune is always, I kiss Your feet and the dust on Your feet, I long to dissolve into tears, I call to You from the depths, come to my assistance for I have committed no sins, from the depths I call to You and no answer comes and my despair is as arid as the desert sands and doubts stifle and humiliate me
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