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.Serena looked up and met his eyes.They didn't need to speak to send a message between them.She felt angry and rejected.It had been bad enough before, but it was worse now, and he realized that they were spiraling out of control.She knew it, too.She waited for him to talk to her, and when he didn't, she got out of her chair and closed the office door.She leaned against it and folded her arms.'You told her,' Serena said, her voice fierce.Stride didn't understand.'What do you mean?''Not me.You told her.'''Maggie,' he said.'Yeah.Maggie.She told me what's been going on.' Serena cupped her long fingers in front of her chin.'I want you to understand something, Jonny.I'm hurting for you.I knew you were pushing me away, but I didn't know why.Now I do.I get it.And I'm sorry.''So am I.''But I'm having a lot of trouble with this,' she continued.'You were going through hell, and rather than talk to me about it, you let it sabotage our whole relationship.And when you finally opened up about what was going on, it wasn't to me.Do you have any idea what it felt like to hear about this from her?''You're right.I should have told you myself.''But you didn't.You couldn't open up to me.I was hoping you and I were past that, but obviously we aren't.''I guess not.''But you were able to talk to Maggie.''Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's not in the middle of it,' he said.'Yes, but she is in the middle of it, isn't she? She always has been.'Stride ran his hand back through his messy hair.He normally had a good poker face, but not now.He shook his head in frustration.'It's always been complicated between me and Maggie.You know that.''It's not so complicated.She loves you.''That was years ago,' he protested.'It's not like a disease, and you wake up and you're cured.The only one in denial here is you.And I think it's because you have feelings for her, too.''We're friends.We've been friends forever.Sometimes it's hard to know where the line is.'Serena sat down across from him again.'I was getting a strange vibe at dinner last night,' she said.He didn't reply.'I thought about it all last night, trying to figure out what it was,' she continued.'Serena,' he murmured.She knew without asking, but she asked it anyway.'Something happened between the two of you, didn't it?'He didn't even think about denying it.He met her eyes and nodded.Serena slashed her arm across the desk, tumbling stacks of paper to the floor.'So with me you have nothing to give, but with her?' she asked bitterly.'I'm really sorry.'She stood up.'I think we're done here.''Let's talk about this,' he said.'Now you want to talk? Isn't it a little late for that? You've had weeks to talk to me, and you didn't.But in one day with Maggie, you managed to jump into bed and tell her everything that was going on in your head.''It's not that simple.''Maybe it is, Jonny.Maybe it is.' She grabbed her coat from the hook.As she twisted the doorknob, she stopped and closed her eyes.'Look, I know I'm not being fair with you.I haven't opened up to you, either.''I'm not looking for excuses,' Stride told her.'This is my fault.Not yours.Not Maggie's.'Serena shook her head.'Let's not talk about Maggie.She knew exactly what she was doing.Don't tell me she didn't.''It wasn't like that.''Not to you, maybe.She saw her opportunity, and she took it.End of story.' She added in a quiet voice, 'Are you in love with her?''I have no idea.I know I love you.''But that's not enough for us, is it? Can you tell me right now that you're choosing me? That you can reject whatever feelings you have for Maggie? That's what I need to hear.If you can do that, then maybe we can try again.''I want to say yes,' he told her.'But you can't.''It's too soon.I don't want to tell you what you want to hear and wind up lying to you.For weeks, until yesterday, I didn't feel a thing.Not for you.Not for Maggie.Not for myself.Nothing.Now everything is flooding back, and I haven't had a chance to work through any of it.You can't ask me to sort this out in a few hours.'Serena nodded.'You're right.That's not fair.We both need to think about what we're going to do.'She walked over to him and kissed him with her soft lips.He didn't need a reminder of how good it felt.Then she turned and left the office and closed the door behind her.Serena drove to Duluth on Wednesday afternoon and found a bar and grill north of the airport.She pulled into the parking lot and stared at the entrance door.Inside was vodka.Glass after glass of it.She could taste it and imagine it dulling her into unconsciousness.She hadn't fallen off the wagon in fifteen years, but now seemed like a good time.It was as if no time had passed at all since her last drink.She could still remember it on her lips.She hadn't anticipated this crossroads.She had been slowly getting her mind around the idea of staying in Duluth forever.Of staying with Jonny forever.Those weren't decisions she made lightly, not given her past, but she had begun to believe it.She should have listened to the warning signs and realized that nothing lasts forever.She loved Jonny.He loved her.That didn't mean they could make it work.They both had too many walls and sharp edges.She had no idea what she would do next.Stay.Go.Try again.Give up.It wasn't the first time in her life she had considered starting over, and it probably wouldn't be the last
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