[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I swear it on all I have.”“I woke up and you were gone.”I waited.He touched my cheek.“Where’d you go, Jackie?”“Went and got some of your clothes.” I couldn’t look away.“Wayne?”“Doesn’t matter.”“You love me, Jackie?”I did.I loved him with my whole heart, though I hadn’t yet told him.Not in so many words.I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.I didn’t know what we were, exactly.We hadn’t done much other than kiss and rub up on each other since that day by the lake, but I knew he owned me more than anyone ever had.I think I loved him from the very first day.So I told him so.His eyes brightened.“Yeah?”“Yeah.”“Me too, Jackie.”I didn’t feel cold anymore.“I know,” I told him, but it was still good to hear.“So, if anyone asks, you were here with me then, okay?”I hesitated.He shook his head.“No.You don’t get to tell me you’ve loved me since the start and not agree with me on this.Ain’t how these things work, Jackie.You mind me now.You were here with me the whole time, you get it?”I nodded.“Say it!” he snapped, shaking me a little.His eyes looked crazy, like the thought of me getting taken away from him would break him in half.I realized then that he knew what’d happened to Wayne.Not the specifics, but he knew.“Been here with you, John,” I said roughly.“Been here with you the whole time.Took you home ’cause you were hurt and stayed here the whole time.”He stared at me some more, making sure I was telling him the truth.He must have been satisfied with what he saw because he calmed down, pressing himself up against me again.I felt his lips on my cheeks and only then did I realize I was crying.“I love you,” he said.“Always have.Always will.”Then he kissed me again.And while all was not right in the world, it was a little better.The police came later to break the news that it looked like Wayne had killed himself.They took one look at John and knew he’d been beat by his daddy and thought it was out of some kind of guilt that he’d swallowed a bunch of pills.My parents were called home and they took me to see John in the hospital where he’d been taken.He had three fractured ribs and contusions on his vocal cords.There was no question where John would go when he got out.My parents were good Catholics and good Catholics believed in helping those that were less fortunate.They looked at John with pity in their eyes, telling him the Lord worked in such mysterious ways.He would live with us, they said.He would live with us because it would be the charitable thing to do, especially given that Jack’s father was a Man of God.He would be expected to go to Church every Wednesday and Sunday, but at least he’d have a place to sleep at night.John didn’t cry at the loss of his father, nor did he ever accuse me of doing anything wrong.The abuse he’d suffered at the hands of Wayne Kemp wasn’t a secret, and if I hadn’t so adamantly insisted I’d been with him that afternoon, I’m sure others would have taken his stoicism as guilt for a crime he hadn’t committed.Some people still whispered though, that they thought it odd a boy didn’t cry at the death of his daddy, regardless of what’d come before.Surely that meant something, they said.John didn’t cry simply because he didn’t think he had anything to be sad about.His father was gone and all John found, in the wake of the destruction that was his childhood, was relief.It was on that first night in his new home—as my mother turned off the light and shut the door behind her—that he let that relief show.As soon as Mom’s footsteps moved away from the door, he rolled over in the bed (our bed, I thought in wonder) and curled himself around me, bringing my back to his chest, his mouth near my ear, squeezing me tightly against him as if he hoped I’d disappear inside of him and we’d become one person.“You’re home,” I whispered to him in the dark, meaning this house.I trailed my fingers over his arms.“You’re home,” he whispered back, meaning me.He kissed my hair.And then we slept.The Sun Stretches Farther“Jackie?” he asks me now.“Yeah?”“Wasn’t sin.”I look up at him, using my free hand to wipe my eyes.“What?”He has that small smile on his face.“What you did ain’t a sin
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]