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.The old lady could rot, the User could rot, they could all rot, they should all go down into that graveyard and stay there.Deep and cold under the snow.Stay there.He also thought of Lizzy, of what she had said about life after death.The dead still existed, with all their memories, but the way she was living didn't sound like any theology Quentin had heard of.Why didn't anybody else know about this? He couldn't be the only one who had spoken with someone from beyond the grave.He knew he wasn't.So why wasn't there some book about this? And if the dead just hung around and mortal people could call them and control them and make them do things, what sense did that make? What was it all for? And why did he have to spend so many years without Lizzy?The one thing he could not permit himself to do was think of Madeleine.The pile of books about sex was still on his nightstand—he hadn't been back to this apartment since they got married.He had never slept with her here.But her face was everywhere in this place.He blotted her out.She wasn't real.But he remembered the feel of her under his hand.How perfect her skin was.How cool and dry, and yet how warm when she should be warm.Of course she was perfect.So were the berries and the pineapple and the pears.So was the luster of the table and the dishes and the goblets.Everything was perfect because the User took it out of his head.And she knew all the right things to say and do because the User stole it out of Lizzy's memory or trapped Lizzy inside the illusion.Forced Lizzy into this hideous fantasy in which all that Quentin amounted to was a pair of hands to open up the lid of a box.Well, why go to all this trouble? Why him? With the kind of power the User had, why not just take some poor sap from up the road, walk him on down to the big house on the Hudson, and tell him to open the box?The box was the big deal.There was some kind of barrier protecting the treasure box, locking the User outside.She apparently had thought that Quentin could get past that barrier and was furious when he didn't.But what stopped him? He felt no barrier.He was about to open it when she ran out.Why did she give up so soon? Questions that had no answers.Who was the User? Where was she? And how much power would she have with a.45 bullet boiling through her skull?He lay there in the bed.Three in the morning.Trembling and cold.Check the thermostat.Already hotter than he normally kept his house.He must have taken a chill this afternoon on the road.Last night at this time he had been sleeping in a bed full of cobwebs after making love to his imagination.Last night he had slept in a stone-cold house that he only thought was warm.Why didn't he freeze to death? Did the User have the power to keep him warm? Four in the morning.He was starving.He had tried to eat the crackers in the cupboard, the only food in the apartment that hadn't passed its expiration date, but they were like dust in his mouth.He got up now and ate them anyway, and drank tap water, it felt like gallons of tap water.He showered.He took all his clothes out of his suitcases, clothes that had been put into dusty drawers and a filthy wardrobe, and laid them out to air.The clothes he had actually worn, the day he arrived at the house and today when he left, he threw them all into the garbage.He threw away the toothbrush from his kit.Five in the morning, he slipped back between the sheets and now he could sleep, still not letting himself think of Madeleine.But sometime in the night, his mind went where he dared not let it go, and he woke up sobbing in grief for her.Madeleine, Mad, Mad.I don't care if you were a lie, I loved you.I loved you and you left me and I didn't do anything to deserve it, I was good to you.He cried himself back to sleep.When he woke again it was five in the afternoon.Dark outside already.He got up and called the garage that kept his DC car.In the time it took them to bring it over, he showered again, dressed.He came out to meet the driver, tipped him, then got in the car and drove to Tysons Corner and picked up some shirts and slacks, socks and underwear.A new pair of running shoes.A new razor, new kit, two new suitcases exactly like the ones he already had.A new winter jacket.He drove home and changed into new clothes, then put everything that had been in the house on the Hudson, including the clothes he had stuffed in the garbage in the wee hours of the morning, packed them into the old suitcases, and carried them out to the Dumpster.It was nine o'clock.He drove to Lone Star and ate peanuts and steak soup and it was all ashes in his mouth but he went on and ate the salad and the filet because he was not going to let this thing kill him.He was going to go on with his life
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