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.?' She twisted her hand convulsively.'From the first moment it was pretence" She recalled the hope in her heart at his ready forgiveness, the strength of her determination to make him happy, the depth of her gratitude that her life would be spent by the side of the man she loved.'Love? I've never loved you since the day you threw me over! Oh, yes, I know what you're going to say I promised to forgive you, said that you could come back to me if ever you wished, but if you weren't so smug, so utterly bloated with your own self esteem you'd have guessed at once my intention was to pay you back.' His lip curled with contempt.'Just to think of your vanity sickens me.You had the audacity to come here, calmly expressing contrition and expecting instant forgiveness.' He turned 'his head away in a gesture of disgust.'What sort of a woman are you to take my forgiveness forgranted - to expect it as your due? Not a sign of surprise when I took you back without one word of recrimination or blame—I repeat, your vanity sickens me; and I now wonder how I could ever have given you a second glance 'Tessa sat there, trembling from head to foot, enduring all that was meant for Lucinda, and powerless to vindicate herself.She spoke at last, when a long silence had reigned, and her voice held a desperate plea.'Paul, haven't I given you anything? We've been so happy''You've, been happy, basking in your own sublime conceit.As to what you've given me.' His voice dropped to a low snarl and on his taut face a greyness was creeping under the tan of the skin.'Darkness for life, that's what you've given me Nothing more, Lucinda, remember that! You've given me nothing more and never can''No, oh no, don't say such things' she cried in anguish, her hands extended before his unseeing gaze, 'I have given you something more! I can give you so much ' Paul.' she whispered on a low despairing sob, 'won't you let me try?' But hope had died, and Tessa felt her heart was dead too, savagely torn to shreds by the talons of her husband's hate.'What what would you have me do?' No emotion in her.' voice now; she was frozen with dread that this was the final scene in Paul's act, that although the curtain fall had come sooner than he intended, he would send her from him, out of his life for ever.He leant pack in his chair his hands clenched in his lap, his features so transfigured by' the depth of his 'hate that he seemed a totally different being from the man she loved.'You must do as your heart dictates, Lucinda.' he answered softly, and into the venom there intruded a hint of triumph.'You yourself will choose the path you desire to follow.''Do as your heart dictates.' her father's words repeated.''You will let me stay?'The triumph was manifested in the curl of his lips., 'You know what to expect?'Trembling hands were raised to Tessa's face; she pressed her fingers to her eyes, as if to relieve the weight of tears, tears that strove for release against a barrier of frozen despair, 'I know what to expect.' The words were scarcely audible and Paul jerked his head in an endeavour to catch them.'I know what to expect,' she repeated, a little louder, and a sneer touched his mouth.'What a pity, Lucinda, you didn't realize the strength of your love at the time of the accident.You firmly believed then you could do without me, didn't you? And look where your mistake has led you.Your life's finished, Lucinda, for I mean to drag you down to the very depths of hopelessness and misery,'Tessa dropped her hands.Ignoring his remorseless threat she said through whitened lips, 'You loved me.then?''I'll not deny that, because you know I did,' He paused in reflection, and his fists clenched and unclenched convulsively.'I worshipped you, Lucinda; he added in slow deliberate tones.'I'm telling you this to illustrate the enormity of your loss.From meeting you I never wanted to look at another girl.That's what you've lost and I might just remind you of it now and then; he added with almost evil satisfaction.'I might on occasions allow you to know a moment's happiness.just for the pleasure of torturing you.'The last words registered with Tessa, but it was not those that made her cry, that released the tears and sent them flowing down her pallid cheeks.He had worshipped Lucinda and had freely admitted it.From meeting her he had never wanted to look at another girl.Sobs shook Tessa's body.While she herself had been seeking for a mere glance, cherishing the occasional grudging smile Paul might deign to bestow upon her, he had been worshipping her sister, loving her with all the intensity and passion which only those of the East can experience.Lucinda had taken all his love.and she, Tessa, was receiving all his hate.A terrible bitterness floodedover her as, having found a handkerchief, she began to dry her eyes.' But sobs still shook her and a smile of satisfaction touched the clear fine outline of her husband's mouth.'Tears will avail you nothing, my beautiful Lucinda, but continue your weeping, for it affords me extreme pleasure to know that you suffer—' He broke off and when he spoke again Tessa actually flinched under the harshness of his tone.'This is nothing to what you will suffer before I've finished with you.Your love is my weapon, and by God, I'll exploit it to the full! I'll make you writhe; I'll hear you cry out for mercy, and only then will you know the real depth of my hatred for you'And it was not long before Tessa did' cry out for mercy; within a fortnight Paul had the satisfaction of hearing her say, her voice husky with unshed tears, 'Don't don't do this to me.Paul, you're crucifying me!'A harsh laugh broke.from his lips before he said, triumph edging his tones,'Suffer, Lucinda, I like to know of this torture you're going through.' He stopped and his face became an evil mask.'Crucify! You talk of being crucified? What torture did you.subject me to? Are you suffering as much as I did at that time?'Her arms stretched out entreatingly, but then she dropped them to her sides, aware of the futility of the gesture.'I suppose one can't compare mental and physical torture, Paul.All I know is that I can't go on.'Her words had the effect of bringing him upright on his chair, and it seemed to Tessa that a whiteness touched the veins about his temples.'You'd leave me?'She hesitated.Were she Lucinda, she could leave him if she desired to do so.But she was Tessa, and had married him under false 'pretences.What right had she to complain? or to put forward the threat of deserting him? What she had received she had asked for.Paul was not to blame in any way whatsoever for the agonies she suffered at his hands.'I shall never leave you.' she whispered, and she added, a sudden physical pain twisting her heart, 'Some day, Paul.some day.perhaps a long while hence, you'll forgive me, and we might find happiness together.'Was it imagination, she wondered breathlessly, or had a flicker of emotion crossed his face? But he said inexorably,'We'll never find happiness together, for I'll never forgive you, Lucinda.Never as long as I live.'They had come out on to the terrace after tea.A welcome breeze blew down from the Mountains and in the cool silence they had sat for a while before Paul said something to wring that cry of anguish from the very depths of his wife's soul [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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